No More Lonely Nights
by onceuponajollyroger
Summary: Emma's childhood abandonment issues return to haunt her as she raises her two-year-old daughter, Ella, with Killian. Captain Swan Family one-shot.


Emma's eyes shot open in panic as she fought to steady her breath. Her heart felt like it was about to beat out of her chest. She raised her hand to her forehead to brush away a stray curl only to find her brown glistening with sweat. She lay in her bed for a few minutes, trying to steady her racing thoughts with no success. The room suddenly felt so stuffy; she was burning up under the covers. Emma sat up in bed slowly, careful not to shake the mattress and wake Killian. She slipped out of bed and tiptoed down the hall to sit by the crib. That always helped calm her; it assured her that everything in her life, _in both of their lives_, was alright.

Emma found herself sitting by her daughter's crib, watching as her own sleeping beauty breathed in and out softly, a lone snore escaping every now and then. Emma knew it worried Killian, that is had him confused, but she couldn't tell him why she did it. He didn't understand how painful it was seeing their precious daughter with her _blonde curls_ and _emerald eyes_ alone in her crib. The sight was achingly close to what Emma imagined another little girl must have looked like: a girl who didn't have parents to care for her, to worry for her, to wonder if she was sleeping well. A little girl who used to cry herself to sleep every night, left alone in a pitch black room until someone bothered to show up in the late morning.

Over the years Emma had slowly begun to feel less inclined to check in on her daughter. Ella was two now and slept soundly through the night, which made Emma feel more comfortable about staying away. Still, sometimes she was awoken by her own nightmares of cold lonely nights, and she would inevitably find herself sitting beside her daughter's crib, gazing fondly at her little angel. Tonight, Ella lay sleeping soundly in her crib, wearing a pink and white striped shirt with a large anchor across the chest. Killian had dressed her in her pajamas for the night. Emma smiled at that thought. Ella was a very loved and cherished little girl. If Emma was to honest with herself, she was sitting on that rug in the dark nursery for her own benefit, not because her daughter really needed her there.

* * *

Emma awoke in her bed the next morning to find the sheets rumpled and abandoned next to her. She rubbed her eyes and yawned loudly before sliding into her slippers and trudging into the kitchen. The smell of bacon and the sound of her two-year-old babbling loudly welcomed her into the room.

Killian turned to see Emma make her appearance and smiled lovingly at her. "Bacon and eggs for my beautiful wife," he exclaimed as he placed a kiss on her lips when she joined him at his side. Emma leaned in next to him to get a better view at the breakfast cooking on the stove. Over the years, Killian had mastered cooking with this realm's appliances, though that had been a long and perilous journey that involved dozens of kitchen mishaps including charred, not burned, _charred_ toast.

"Thanks for carrying me into the bedroom, but I don't think your noble efforts were enough to save my back unfortunately," she said with a small smile as she placed her hands on her hips and arched her back, attempting to stretch out her sore muscles. She was getting too old to be sleeping on floors, though she quickly pushed that depressing thought from her mind.

Killian sighed and scratched behind his ear nervously. He stared down intently at the pan in his hand, not meeting Emma's gaze. "I woke up alone and was worried. You've never told me why you do it, Emma," he said in barely a whisper.

Emma frowned. She should tell Killian the truth. After all this time together, she knew she could tell him anything. She just couldn't bring herself to voice it. If she told him, if she explained herself, it would just rehash feelings she didn't want to acknowledge.

Emma didn't respond to him. Instead, she whipped around and headed over to hug little Ella, who was swinging her legs in her booster seat and tapping loudly on the table as she proudly recited every word she knew.

* * *

Emma couldn't sleep that night. She was still bothered by what Killian said, and ever since her nightmare she couldn't shake off the haunting memories from her past. She gently eased herself into a sitting position, being careful not to wake her dozing husband, as she tossed back the covers and slid out of bed. Emma crept down the hallway on tiptoe. After living in the home for five years, Emma was adept at avoiding certain spots in the floor she knew would creak and give her away.

Emma slipped into Ella's room and took her usual spot beside her crib. She placed her fingers between the bars of the crib and stroked her daughter's soft hair as the little girl slept. Emma stayed like that for some time, eventually leaning her head against the crib and closing her eyes.

She was awoken by the glare of the hallway light as the door to Ella's room opened a crack. Emma blinked her eyes furiously, wincing at the light, until she saw Killian walking towards her, padding across the room with quite footsteps to avoid waking Ella. He stood next to her, towering over her for just a second, before he took a seat by Emma's side. They sat in silence for a few minutes, both looking upon the beautiful child they created together, until the quiet finally become too much for Emma.

"So…" she said in a hushed voice as she stared at him, head tilted to the side in question.

Killian didn't reply back immediately. Instead he grabbed Emma's hand in his and placed a gentle kiss to her palm before responding in a whisper. "I thought it was time for us to talk about this, love."

He was right, _damn him_. Actually, he was right quite often, not that Emma would ever admit it. Her shoulders tensed as she bit her lip and stared down furiously at her lap. She had to tell him; he deserved to know. He had already shared so much of his life's story with her including his difficult childhood.

She took a minute to gain her courage before finally speaking. "My oldest memory is being a toddler, maybe slightly older than Ella, and waking up alone in my crib. I cried all night, but no one came. No one _ever_ came. There was no one to come. Nights were always scary and lonely and..and…I just want to be here for her," Emma finally responded in a broken voice as the stinging in her eyes became too much and she finally allowed tears to fall freely.

Killian nodded his head lightly in understanding as he cupped her cheek in his hand and turned her to face him. Killian was just as broken as she, so instead of offering words of comfort or platitudes that he knew would do nothing to mend her wounds, he simply stood up and unhitched the gate on Ella's crib. He reached in to gently pick up their sleeping daughter and placed her against his shoulder, holding her firmly with the crook of his arm. He reached his hand down to grasp Emma's and help her to her feet.

"Come on, love," he said with a gentle smile as he led Emma off to their bedroom.

Emma crawled in on her side of the bed as Killian placed Ella gently in the middle. He slipped under the covers slowly, careful not to wake their daughter. _Thank the gods she was such a heavy sleeper._ He reached his arm across to gently brush Emma's hair, playing with a golden curl as he always did, before he leaned in to place a tender kiss on little Ella's head. Then he simply closed his eyes, resigning himself to sleep.

Emma stared at him, mouth slightly open in surprise at the whole situation. No words, no promises, just a kind gesture of complete and utter understanding. She smiled to herself as she lay on her side gazing down at her precious daughter and over at her loving husband. _She should have told him sooner._ Emma wrapped her arm around Ella, nuzzling the little girl against her as she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep with a content grin across her face.

There was no dream of a lonely little girl that night or any night after.


End file.
